Mentira

If you’re new to this blog, start by reading the first article – as the first page of a book.

We stopped at a gas station surrounded with black mountains.

  • Are those volcanos? I ask the Kombi crew.

Brothers Leo and Scorpio laugh at me. So, no idea why those mountains are black. But they make beautiful pictures. Lunch finished, dishes washed, we jump again in the Kombi, all set for the afternoon drive. Quickly, I get into the creative writing process. Must describe now Day 3 after Ayahuasca.

***

On February 12, I woke up again with the sensation that my dreams had not been normal. Before falling asleep, I had set the intention to awaken and register (as rational thoughts) the unconscious information of my dreams. I did. I woke up few times in the middle of the night. I translated the insights into words so I could transferred them into my memory. Then, thinking I would remember, I allowed myself to fall asleep again. But in the morning, I could merely remember some sensations: I was diving into sounds: the rain, the bird’s chant. Sound was expanding, time as well. Each sound would tell me a very clear message about my life – those insights had flown away by then. I only had the feeling they were about love and my mission in life, my career. I did not remember the messages, but woke up with a clear and beautiful understanding of my present and future: exciting projects and challenges that I felt were written in the sky. I felt that from now on, Life would make it easy for me.

The work I had to do for my host that day was very pleasant: pull out the weeds growing in the garden. I put on a long-sleeves-one-suit and a hat to protect from the sun. I took my earphones so I could listen to, as I was working, Eric Pearl’s audio book Heal Yourself, Heal Others. The next chapters were not anymore about Eric’s life and his discovery of Reconnective Healing. They were about the concept itself. A passage of the book was about LANGUAGE. How words are boxes. Very limited boxes that can contain only very limited rational ideas. How our language is actually “limiting” communication. Words are the language of our dimension. Very limited. Another section was about TIME. Eric Pearl explained that time, today, is flying quicker than before (in the last ages of humanity). Meaning, we do more things in the same time frame. As we do more things within the same time unity, it seems as if time expanded, allowing us to do more. And when we look back, it seems as if time is flying quicker… But what is time? Is time only in our dimension? As I was hearing Eric Pearl’s theories, I felt a bit scared. I was scared how EVERYTHING he was saying was closely related to my Ayahuasca experience. It seemed as if I was hearing everything I needed to hear at that moment to interpret my experience. Why is it scary? Because in the last years, I have deepened so much the concept of The Law of Attraction into my own life, that it sometimes feels as if the World is turning around myself. Meaning: everything – this 3D dimension – is the fruit of my mind. I am alone.

DIMENSIONS. Eric Pearl also talked about that: one, two, or an infinity of dimensions. The possibility of being in many dimensions at the same time, and amongst them, this 3D world. This is what I felt during the ritual: I was shifting continuously between dimensions. As I was tearing the weeds from the soil, listening to this theory, I visualized myself, simultaneously in another dimension. And as I was less and less feeling “inside” my body, “inside” myself, I FELT it. Deep inside. Felt it was true. Felt terrified. Because if this dimensions theory was true, my world was FALSE. I stopped my mind to come back to the garden. “All this is a lie”, had said the plant.

At 14:00, I finished my four-hour shift. Sweaty, dirty and starving. My host offered me some of the meal she cooked: integral rice and a vegetarian curry with eggplant, ginger, onion and dehydrated mushrooms in coconut milk. She had already eaten and was watching a video in the living room. As I was preparing my plate, I caught few words. The video was about politics and separation, love and union. Global love. Without separation.

I did not know much my host at that point, even after staying a week in her house. I only knew that she was a kinesiologist and massotherapist – I had read it on the entrance door –, that she was interested in acupressure, dream symbology and indian philosophy – I had found some books on a shelf in my room – and that she was into Tantra, which she said – after I told I was practicing Mysore – was the opposite of yoga. I thought it was a little bit extreme to say so. The video was proving that we were into the same things, sharing the same beliefs. Actually, everything was saying the same thing: Yoga, Tantra, Reconnective Healing, Ayahuasca… As if hammering a nail, Life was repeating, insisting on a message to be implanted inside of me.

After my meal, I put on a bikini, a beach dress and running shoes to walk to Praia do Mucûgê. It was almost sunset. On Mucugê street, a man was singing and playing guitar in a tiny outdoor restaurant. I stopped by. His voice was authentic and warm, conveying the words through emotion. I stood on the sidewalk, beside the churrasqueiro, who was grilling all types of meats on spits. I stood there a full song, and another, and again, hypnotized. The sun had set. On the terrace, two couples and a trio, were having an early dinner. I started observing one of the couples, six meters away from me, a man and woman, both wealthy and healthy, in their late twenties. And I deeply got into it. My attention was fully driven towards them. I could not see the man’s face; only his back, neck, head and arms movements. But I could understand his physical language. I could not hear what they were saying either. But I was perceiving the woman’s facial microexpressions… Feeling… her. And I felt, as a clear, deep insight, that, even though she was smiling and touching her boyfriend, she was not loving him. She considered herself superior. This said, she probably had fallen in love with someone she considered superior than herself, and, to compensate her lack of self-esteem, she was using her current boyfriend to feel worthy. He was in awe of her, not feeling at all that she was condescending.

  • Meeeentira, sang the singer.

“Lie”. I smiled at the coincidence.

So, I thought. This is “face reading”. This is telepathy. What an amazing psychic ability! To test my new skill, I stared at the other couple quickly. It was a simple love, shared and sane. Those two did not question much in life. Then I stared at the table of three. A tall guy was standing. Even thought he was not looking, he was aware of people around. Of me, too. And this not so young but immature guy was trying to get attention.

Just before I decided to continue my walk to the beach, finally leaving the restaurant’s sidewalk, the signer sang: Deixa-te levar. Let yourself go… I smiled at Life. How could She be so insisting?

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