*If you’re new to this blog, start by reading the first article – as the first page of a book.
I liked this idea of a Kombi roadtrip to Ouro Preto; it meant 15 hours ride with nothing to do but look back and write. Look back at what happened in the last days in Arraial. Look back at my first weeks in Brazil, a soft mind-opening to paranormal – as if normal. Look back at my personal story, and how everything was preparation for this moment. All that I thought would kill me – heartbreak, rejection, travels, drugs – but that I survived, was just a preparation. Everything was leading me here. Every love, every wound. Every information that was transmitted to me along the way through strangers, friends or few spiritual relatives were for me to remember today. All those strange phenomenons that happened along the way were for me to make links today. For me to remember. For me to acknowledge there were something more. They were all the same message. They were all the answer to my initial question, when I decided to leave Montreal on a spiritual trip, feeling that, without a spiritual meaning, my life would never make any sense.
Are we only THAT? I now believe we are much more than THAT.
February 10. 6 AM. We were slowly coming back to ourselves, coming back to our world, laying within our sacred circle. The sunlight was soft and white. The morning silence was soothing after the chaos of the night. I was looking around, hardly believing it was over. Feeling so calm. Feeling so good. So happy to be alive. I had survived. The guy dressed in white brought a tray filled with green grapes, mandarins, apples, bananas and honey melon. We shall finally eat! Scorpio and I looked at each other:
- Never again.
Scorpio grabbed a bunch of green grapes for myself and her. The juicy and lightly acid fruit instantly refreshed my mouth. I asked Scorpio how was her experience.
- It was so strong. After I drank the second dose, I had a very powerful hallucinatory trip. Many times more powerful than LSD. Very, very strong. Too strong. But some beautiful things. I felt a very deep connection with nature. As I was vomiting, it was as if the plants were looking at me! I was sorry for them, wanting to apologize. But I also felt they were in this with me, vomiting with me… there was no separation. We were all the same, just one.
I told her about the most vivid hallucination I could recall: the bright white and pink mandala, the sacred geometry in the tree and the painting-like black monkey-shaped leaves on a dark blue sky. Even though the period I had been shifting between hallucinations, shut-eyes chaos and my grey world felt interminable and filled with infinite information, I could only recall those few seconds of hallucinations. Had I seen more things I could not recall?
- I don’t understand, I told Scorpio. I thought it would never happen! I told you, remember? At 3:00, I decided I would just sleep. I wonder what time I started my trip…
- I think it was right after you said that. You started vomiting few minutes after.
Cancer joined us. Big smile. As joyful as he was during the night, dancing around the fireplace. He sat with Scorpio and I, offered us green apple. I answered I had so much apples in Canada that I usually did not eat apples in other countries. But I accepted a piece of the acidic, refreshing fruit. I asked Cancer about his trip.
- At some point, he started telling, I really felt I was not in my body anymore. I was outside my body, looking at it. So, I crossed the sacred circle to go vomit. But I did not need to be inside my body. It would just go, on its own. Also, I felt, at some point, that it wasn’t me, my mind, having thoughts. It was another consciousness thinking. And I understood that mind was just a necessary process for us to exist into this world, as human.
The Shaman joined the three of us. Cancer offered him a piece of apple as he sat by my side. I stared at his earthy green eyes. He looked joyful and relaxed. He told me again how happy he was about my “work”: I had done a very good cleansing. Then he left to go around the circle.
Then came the man in white who had helped me breathe. He explained the importance of surrendering to the Plant. Sometimes, people have a very difficult experience with Ayahuasca because they keep fighting with it. They do not dive into the experience fully because of fears. That was me. I could recall all the fears I had when the Plant took me. I could also identify easily where those fears came from: the readings I did the day before and the terrible stories some people had told me about spirit possession or awakening low energies. I could also recall my fear of losing track of time. I was disappointed to think that because of my fears, I had a bad time rather than enjoying all the beautiful hallucinations and receiving the Plant’s revelation.
Anyway, now, I was just happy it was over, and really excited about the idea of going back home, shower, have a coffee, eat my bowl of fruits and cereals, sleep a bit and go to Pitiringa beach for a late lunch with the yoga crew… ENJOY your worldly life, said The Plant.
I did all that. Swam for half an hour. Tried to nap on the beach as the sun was hiding behind the mountains. Then decided to meditate a bit before going back home. I sat on my Yemanjá shawl, facing the sea, cross-legged position. To meditate, I like to stare at nature: a plant, a cactus, a cloud, the sun. I was doing that as a child, not knowing it was called “meditation”. Then I stopped; did not have TIME. I started doing it again after my yoga teacher told us he had experienced seeing a plant’s aura – on DMT. I thought it was cool and wanted to experience that. After Mysore practice, during my monthly Ashtanga Teacher Training in July 2017, I would stare at the cactus in the corner of the studio. One day, I “saw” it breathing. I thought. I saw the cactus was expanding and shrinking as I would inhale and exhale. We were somehow breathing together. Or maybe, my breathing was affecting my vision… Rational mind doubts anything that surpasses it.
I decided to try a technique I found on internet few weeks before, when I got interested in psychic abilities. At that time, in January, I was living in Salvador with three women who would frequently experience extra-sensorial perception. One of them would see colors above and around some people. Often, she would see a white cloud above peoples’ cranes – she had no idea what it meant. When I took her to experience Reconnective Healing with Norleide, the Holistic Therapist, she saw a blue light on one side of her head. No idea of the meaning of this. Her mom, who was hosting me, and her aunt, who was living next door, were both mediums practicing Spiritism. I did not know more about their experiences at that time. Anyway, my environment awakened my forgotten passion: paranormal. I started investigating the topic.
Was I a medium? Were we all mediums?
On the internet, I found a list of alleged psychic abilities attributed to real-world people, often known as extrasensory perception or sixth sense). As I read through the list, I identified a handful of psychic abilities I could relate to, at various scopes. I had never forgotten those moments, because even though they happened somehow discretely, I knew something abnormal had happened.
When I was 16 years old, I was driving my car, going back to the chalet after a horse-back-riding class. My sister was sitting on the passenger seat and my step-sister on the back seat. It was a meandering road, full of hills, and many curves that we would approach at 70 km/h, slowing down from 90 km/h. I was entering one of those curves, which was going up a hill and turning left simultaneously. Suddenly, I had a very clear, very insisting thought: Keep your right, close to the carriage way, keep you right as much as possible, along the carriage way. It was a fraction-of-a-second insight. Not a common, conscious thought. My body immediately obeyed this insight and kept the car on the right side of the road as much as possible. As I entered the curve, a car came in the opposite direction. Behind this car, appearing up the hill, a driver had decided to overtake the first car, in this tiny and dangerous curve. The three cars crossed the same point, at the same time. Luckily, I was already driving along the carriageway on my right and we had nothing more than a moment of fear. Otherwise, this situation would probably have resulted in an accident with important injuries. When I read through the list, I identified this phenomenom as an “ability to perceive future events”, a Precognition or premonition. Or, was it some Mediumship or channeling, “the ability to communicate with spirits”? Was it my angel looking after me? Here in Brazil, people d not “believe” in spirits an angels; they “know” they exist. The rational world where I come from is very far from this culture.
Another phenomenom happened in November. I was seeing a guy who had lots of opened wounds from his last relationship, the mother of his two kids. He had his kids very young, and certainly had not thought over the very important decision of making children at that time. He was now struggling and doing his best to be a good father for them – being present, in opposition to his dad who had abandoned him and his mom to start another family. Being a good father at his young age meant to forget about his own dreams for a while. His struggles and his good will awakened my compassion. I wanted to help him in some way during the few weeks we would share, before my departure to Brazil. One day, I was massaging his temples. I wanted to send an intention. May he encounter his strength, inner power and the solutions he needs, may he feel happy and at peace with his life, I thought, as my fingers pressed the sides of his closed eyes. Suddenly, he shook his head and opened his eyes, looking very surprised. What happened? I asked. I don’t know, he said, I had an infinity of images about my life popping up in my head! I was impressed. I knew something had happened between my intention, my fingers and his brain. I had no idea what. In January, as I was reading through the list of Psychic abilities, I linked this phenomenom to “Energy medicine – The ability to heal with one’s own empathic astral energy”.
From this list of abilities, I could also relate to others, at very lower scales, as nothing obvious had ever happened: “Claircognizance – The ability to acquire psychic knowledge by means of intrinsic knowledge”, I sometimes had insights, during adolescence, about spiritual beliefs which I felt were true; “Clairsentience – The ability to acquire psychic knowledge by feeling” I cold relate to following my heart; “Clairolfactance – The ability to access spiritual or mediumistic knowledge through smell” I knew smell to be my best guide in identifying a partner, as the way to detect love chemistry. Finally, with the cactus, I had been practicing “Aura reading – The ability to perceive « energy fields » surrounding things”. From of that list of psychic abilities, I believe we have all experienced some at various levels (sometimes not so obvious). I also believe that some of them are more accessible than others to different people.
*Comment this post if you remember having experienced some of them! Read through the whole list. Describe it! We’re here to share.
So, in January, I set up a goal for myself: develop 2-3 psychic abilities during the month of February … As if it was that easy! But the last years taught me that once you set up clearly something you want, Life will bring it to you. To attain that goal, I had to exercise my third eye chakra, which is our intuitive energy center. Of a long list I found on Gaia, I chose a handful of exercises that were more accessible to me : exercise your intuition, the main function of the third eye (mmh… quite abstract…); nurture silence to hear the wisdom of the third eye, which sounds like a whisper (alright, I love silence!); dream work, dream interpretation, lucid dreaming (should start with trying to remember my dreams!); let imagination loose (easy!); see, focus on the space “in between” things (ok, let’s try…); be curious about symbolic meanings, symbols in different cultures and time periods (if I have time, I’ll do some research); commune with nature and the energy of the elements (will try to go to the beach more often); practice contemplation (could do this at the beach!).
Back to Praia de Pitinga, after the pique-nique, swin and nap. I sat in a cross-legged position on my Yemanjá shawl, facing the sea. As there was no object closed to stare at, I decided to
focus on the space “in between”. Meditative state came immediately, without effort. I quickly started seeing bright dust in the air. I had seen those kind of gold particles on the ceiling as I was laying down in Savasana after Ashtanga Yoga classes. I never knew if those dusts were in my eyes or in the air; if I was “making” this vision or if I was “seeing more” than normal. But this time, on the beach, I knew this was not in my eyes. After few seconds of contemplation, I felt an energy wave flowing along my column. I had heard about this energy, maybe the “Kundalini”. I sometimes had felt it – not as obviously as that day, though –, as I was in the last sitting poses of the Ashtanga Primary Serie. This day, this wavy energy really felt as if it was moving my physical body. I stayed still, focusing again on the bright dusts. Loosing sensation of my legs, arms, whole physical body. Nothing near the rapé effect, but something related. I was an inch above of my body, an inch out of it… The sensation I had been trying to reach in yoga for so long! … Felt as if I was glowing energy… I maybe was… a small dog on the beach felt it… approached me… and wanted to copulate on my arm! I decided to stop the meditating practice for today.
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